Relationship Insecurity

Dealing With Relationship Insecurity

Nothing comes between two people faster than relationship insecurity.  Sure, you want to be open and honest about how you are feeling but too much vulnerably always seems to be the root of many arguments and breakups.  Of course, some people enter into a relationship feeling completely self-assured and confident but that crazy little thing called love seems to take over your mind, how you think and what you say.



Insecurities are simply bad news and most often, they are a result of past mistakes, personal issues you have never dealt with or fear of losing your significant other.  Relationship insecurity is not healthy and can even turn dangerous.  It is not uncommon for insecurities to turn to jealousy which results in anger and can lead to violence.

When you enter into a relationship you are generally emotionally vulnerable, especially if you have been hurt before.  You may feel that the two of you get along too good to actually last or wonder when they will reject you.  Most insecure people also feel as though they have done something wrong so they always read into every action.  Believe it or not, it is actually a lot of hard work to be insecure.

Stop Imagining Things

One of the main attributes to relationship insecurity is making things up or imagining events, feelings, words, etc.  Insecure people will see that their partner may look bored at the dinner table and assume that they are bored in the relationship, plotting to leave and planning out a new life.  These types of imagined thoughts do nothing except lead to heartache and a lot of arguing.  Can't a person simply look bored from time to time?  If you are someone who has a brain that seems to work overtime, reading way too much into little things, you really need to stop.  No one in their right mind would want to spend a lifetime with someone who is always evaluating their every move.

There are normal mood changes in every relationship.  While it is good to want to be close and comfortable with the other person, needing to feel that way all of the time will only leave you feeling neglected.  People require personal space.

How Much Reassurance Do You Need?

Do you need your partner to constantly tell you how they feel about you?  Overcoming relationship insecurity often means becoming less controlling and not needing to feel certain about your partner's feelings.  Chances are, if you need this much reassurance, you probably still feel the exact same way even when you are told how much you are loved so what is the point?  Self-assurance comes from within.  It doesn't matter how many times you require someone to tell you that they’ll be with you forever, the words will never guarantee the action.  Learn to live for the moment.

Forget Past Relationships

Past mistakes and breakups with previous partners are always causes for relationship insecurity.  It is not fair to assume your new partner will break your heart like someone else did.  Everyone deserves their own fair chance and if they have not given you any reason to not trust them and they have not done anything to hurt you then why are you treating them as though they are guilty?


Just because your ex cheated on you does not mean that your new partner is too just because they don't answer their phone within three rings.  Sloppy comparisons lead to destructive over-generalizations which results in you ending up alone.  How would you feel if someone always thought the worst of you and assumed you were constantly doing something wrong?

Focus On The Good

The easiest way to overcome relationship insecurity is to focus on the good thing that you've got going and forget about everything else.  Insecure people have a way of always looking for what's not working when they should concentrate on what is.  Relationships will always have their ups and downs, start focusing on and appreciating all aspects of yours!