Leaving Your Husband

Guidelines for Leaving Your Husband

It is probably safe to say that very few couples marry with the thought of eventually breaking up yet the act of leaving your husband is not an unusual one, and may be the necessary step for you to be happy.  It is important for individuals to carefully plan their strategy before taking the step that signals the end of their marriage.



Reasons to leave

There are countless reasons that people wish to end their marriage.      When abuse is an issue, there is no question that a woman should remove herself from the situation at the earliest opportunity.  Though it seems an easy decision, it is likely more difficult to leave an abusive situation than any other.  A breakdown may have occurred in the marriage; perhaps each individual has gone on separate paths and now has little if anything in common with one another.  Infidelity on either side is a common reason that marriages come to an end, especially when a serious relationship is the result of the affair.

Despite the reason behind the motivation to leave, there are certain steps a woman should take to prepare yourself for life after marriage once you have made the decision to do so.  Being prepared has many benefits; decreases the likelihood of second guessing your decision, providing as seamless of a transition as possible and ensuring your success of starting a new life.  It also brings a more positive emotional environment by focusing on the future.  With the exception of abusive relationships in which the woman should escape as soon as possible, the following steps can be used as a guideline for helping to plan the first step of leaving.

  1. Devise your exit plan.  Take time to plan leaving, setting goals for yourself that cover a period of at least 4 to 8 weeks.  Make your plans discreetly, without advising your partner until it is necessary to do so.  

  2. Assess your financial status.  When on your own, remember that your standard of living will drop, in some cases dramatically.  Try to prepare ahead by stashing away some funds that will serve as your “rainy day” fund.  For women who have been staying at home with children, you will need to find a job, which may require getting additional training or schooling.  Open a bank account in your name to start saving. 

  3. Find a new home.  When you are the one leaving, your husband will likely remain in the shared home.  This means you will need a place to stay; either with family or friends or hopefully, in a new apartment or house of your own.  Securing this home before you leave will give you something to leave for, helping to take your mind off from what you are leaving behind.

  4. Prepare for the divorce.  You will need to obtain a lawyer, or at the very least a paralegal to help you to begin the divorce proceedings.  Before leaving, be sure to have all of your eggs in one basket; make copies of every document such as deeds, bank accounts, saving accounts, certificates of deposit, tax returns and such.  Take stock of all possessions that you are leaving behind to ensure nothing is hidden or missing when settlement of the divorce begins.

  5. Establish your own credit.  If you do not have credit cards in your own name, begin to apply for them now.  Check your credit score, and work to increase it if necessary to at least 700. 

  6. Build a support team.  Talk to trusted friends and family members about your plans; choosing those that will back you up and support your decision. 

These are basic steps that can help you to prepare and carry out the decision you have made.  Leaving your husband may be bittersweet; it is easier to stay in a deep rut than to claw your way out but may be the best solution to achieving happiness.